Overall a good day, good state of being, but as the day wore on I felt more overwhelmed than not. At the end of the day I was in front of Blessed Mary on my knees praying for strength...
I started the day with acceptance that I would be doing something different with my life, even a sense of relief for change.
I had been isolated at work. Communication gone as I was invited and then not given any details to the meeting with the client and questions on how the team wants me to handle hits and strong editorial opportunities were ignored. I was told I was last on and first to go.
I was looking forward to some mindless job where I don't have to deal with egos. I even was resigned to not be in communication with Editor-In-Chief, Presidents, and VPs. Ahhh the simple life. Then I get an email from my boss that I do have project in an email signed xoxo. My mindset shattered and I am going to be back on which is great news for a single mom. I think.
Midday the doorbell rings and it is my neighbor wanting to discuss the proposed Santa Clara stadium. He is against it and I am for it. He leaves me a copy of an article from the Mercury News for me to read so we can discuss (aka open my eyes)
I have a belly dancing performance this Sunday and just found out about it this past Sat. My dance teacher wanted to have practice tonight at 7pm. I have a parent meeting at my daughter's school at 6-7:30. I ask my Ex to please go to the meeting as I cannot go to it. He can't go to it. I thought about it and he has not gone to any parent meetings in the past 3 years we have been separated/divorce. Then I thought more and I don't think he has ever gone to a parent meeting. I would blast him but I don't have the energy, don't want to waste brain cells.
So I go to the meeting, my Dad watches my daughter for me, and I feel completely attacked at the meeting.
Now to be fair no names were mentioned, but if I did not feel like I would break down crying from an overwhelming feeling of drowning, I would have been swinging at some people.
As it is I stayed quiet. I listen to them say that they chose to have their child at a Waldorf school so there would be no media (tv, computer, ipod, etc...) I listen to them saying they should have a rule and stick to it and not deviate from their standards because of sympathy.
At that point I see the writing on the wall...even though I have an ancient, tiny TV that does not get reception, I do not live in a vacumn. In fact divorce really lessens your control over your child (my Ex allows all that.) And who am I kidding- the Grandparents think it is hog wash. I don't think young children need technology, but as they get older it is not that bad for them.
I allowed my daughter to have an email address as the kids plan a summer camp for younger kids. Grandpa gave her an Ipod. The point is my head is on the chopping block and my 11 yr old may get kicked out.
I tried to call one of the Mothers a couple of times when out of the meeting who told the story that her Husband set up an email account when her daughter was 3yr old and she does not use it. Since when I got in my car I had an email from her daughter (my daughter's email goes through my blackberry). She never answered my calls.
As my overweary body, brain dead, and drained self leaves the church, I must have received some comfort praying. God only gives me what I can handle, I will get through all this, with God all is possible. I am in the place I need to be in. I believe in the future.