Spring Cleaning for your inner self

Ahhh – Spring cleaning is not just for your house, garage, and yard!

Reach to the heavens, recharge your spiritual side with services of your choice, prayer, meditation, dance, exercise, reading, and activities.

I've been listening to the audio-book A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson and the first step is to release 24 feelings, thoughts, or character flaws to God.

I listed the 24 plus the sentences and imagery that she suggests. I will let you know how it goes to think about each of the below and write out my personal connection to it, what in life gave me these unprocessed feelings. And most importantly ask God to take them from me. I will either spend a whole afternoon or a few each day which to me is worthwhile to feeling lighter and not dragging old thoughts and ways into the sunny springtime.

1. Shame
I’m ashamed of

2. Anger
I’m angry at

3. Fear
I’m afraid of

4. Unforgivingness
I still have not forgiven for

5. Judgement
I judge for

6. Distain
I feel distain for

7. Excessive responsibility
I am responsible for

8. Pressure
I feel so pressured by

9. Exhaustion (physically, mentally, and emotionally)
I feel exhausted because of

10. Burden
I am burden by

11. Stressed
I’m stressed by

12. Heartbreak
My heart is heavy because of

13. Injustice
It is not fair that I

14. Protection
I feel I need protection from

15. Pride
I am prideful when

16. Selfishness
I am selfish when

17. Jealousy
I get jealous when

18. Greed
I get greedy when

19. Lazy
I am lazy when

20. Separation
I feel separate from

21. Dishonesty
I don’t feel I can be honest about

22. Arrogance
I am better than

23. Inferiority
I feel not as good as

24. Embarrassment
I feel embarrassed by

The above are like bricks that form a wall separating you from others and your true self. I plan on finishing the sentences with everything circumstance or situation that contributed.

Then I write;
Dear God please remove the wall That I built around me.

(I imagine trying to tear down a giant brick with the feeling engraved on it. I struggle then turn upwards and ask God to help me. I envision a finger coming down and lightly touching the brick which then crumbles to dust and floats off in the breeze)

Please Dear God take away from me forever.

Happy adventures through yourself to a lighter you! Try it and let me know how it goes.



Check out Williamson's book

http://www.marianne.com/

Tallys for Tuesday

Overall a good day, good state of being, but as the day wore on I felt more overwhelmed than not.  At the end of the day I was in front of Blessed Mary on my knees praying for strength...

I started the day with acceptance that I would be doing something different with my life, even a sense of relief for change. 

I had been isolated at work.  Communication gone as I was invited and then not given any details to the meeting with the client and questions on how the team wants me to handle hits and strong editorial opportunities were ignored.  I was told I was last on and first to go.

I was looking forward to some mindless job where I don't have to deal with egos.  I even was resigned to not be in communication with Editor-In-Chief, Presidents, and VPs.  Ahhh the simple life.  Then I get an email from my boss that I do have project in an email signed xoxo.  My mindset shattered and I am going to be back on which is great news for a single mom.  I think.

Midday the doorbell rings and it is my neighbor wanting to discuss the proposed Santa Clara stadium.  He is against it and I am for it.  He leaves me a copy of an article from the Mercury News for me to read so we can discuss (aka open my eyes)

I have a belly dancing performance this Sunday and just found out about it this past Sat.  My dance teacher wanted to have practice tonight at 7pm.  I have a parent meeting at my daughter's school at 6-7:30.  I ask my Ex to please go to the meeting as I cannot go to it.  He can't go to it.  I thought about it and he has not gone to any parent meetings in the past 3 years we have been separated/divorce.  Then I thought more and I don't think he has ever gone to a parent meeting.  I would blast him but I don't have the energy, don't want to waste brain cells.

So I go to the meeting, my Dad watches my daughter for me, and I feel completely attacked at the meeting.

Now to be fair no names were mentioned, but if I did not feel like I would break down crying from an overwhelming feeling of drowning, I would have been swinging at some people. 

As it is I stayed quiet.  I listen to them say that they chose to have their child at a Waldorf school so there would be no media (tv, computer, ipod, etc...)  I listen to them saying they should have a rule and stick to it and not deviate from their standards because of sympathy. 

At that point I see the writing on the wall...even though I have an ancient, tiny TV that does not get reception, I do not live in a vacumn.  In fact divorce really lessens your control over your child (my Ex allows all that.)  And who am I kidding- the Grandparents think it is hog wash.  I don't think young children need technology, but as they get older it is not that bad for them. 

I allowed my daughter to have an email address as the kids plan a summer camp for younger kids.  Grandpa gave her an Ipod.  The point is my head is on the chopping block and my 11 yr old may get kicked out.

I tried to call one of the Mothers a couple of times when out of the meeting who told the story that her Husband set up an email account when her daughter was 3yr old and she does not use it.  Since when I got in my car I had an email from her daughter (my daughter's email goes through my blackberry).  She never answered my calls.

As my overweary body, brain dead, and drained self leaves the church, I must have received some comfort praying.  God only gives me what I can handle, I will get through all this, with God all is possible.  I am in the place I need to be in.  I believe in the future.